When Is It Appropriate for Dating After Divorce? (Part 3)

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When Is It Appropriate for Dating After Divorce?

 

This the third in a series of posts on dating after divorce. This just one, among many questions divorcees ask. As I said in previous posts, the answer will vary based on who’s giving the advice. If you look around at what is happening in the world today, divorce has become such a common event that the answer to this question is a must. There are many factors that come into play when addressing this question. Myself and many others believe the answer to this question depends on, just to name a few, such factors as your emotional state, whether you have children, the age of the children, your religious beliefs, your socio-economic situation or timing. Many people struggle trying to figure this out. For the most part, this will be left up to that individual. I will share my thoughts and perhaps the thoughts of others as well.
Let’s talk about this based on the person’s religious belief. Because there is a wide range of religious beliefs when it comes to divorce, there’s likewise a wide range of beliefs about dating after divorce. I believe people’s religious beliefs about divorce will perhaps parallel their belief when it comes to dating again after that divorce. Many people who found it extremely difficult to grasp the truth or ideal that they are divorced, may require a longer lengths of time to emotionally detach themselves from that idea of not being married to that person. Therefore they may have a pseudo-sense that they are cheating on their ex-spouse if they are dating after divorce. Often times this comes from their strong religious beliefs that they are still married for their entire life to that person. I know that sounds kind of awkward but, people actually think like this. Often times as they felt trapped in that toxic marital relationship that lead to the divorce, they still are trapped because they are reluctant to put themselves out there again, in fear of being hurt, again. I say to those people, spend some more time identifying the factors that’s causing the internal struggles. Work through these issues on your own or with a professional before dating after divorce. As you work through these feelings, identifying and finding a more balanced sense of self, joy and peace will come to you. Dating after divorce can be rewarding and adventurous.
Here is an excerpt from an article that discusses dating after divorce:

What are the Possible Consequences of Divorce for Romantic Relationships?

Most who divorce hope to find a more satisfying relationship in the future. Exploring new romantic relationships after divorce can be both exciting and stressful. One important study that followed divorcing individuals for many years after their divorces found that a new romantic relationship after divorce often produced an increase in self-esteem, a decline in feelings of depression, and even decreased health complaints and visits to the doctor.265 These positive outcomes were found when the new relationships provided a sense of security and support and when there was real concern for each other. However, this study also found that some divorced women and men (especially) used casual sex to find the closeness and intimacy that they were missing. These psychological researchers observed that casual sex frequently ended up producing greater feelings of loneliness, unhappiness, and lower self-esteem. Moreover, these feelings sometimes led to substance abuse, which made problems worse. So new romantic relationships after divorce are a two-edged sword: healthy, caring relationships can be helpful but relationships based on casual sex can make things worse. When dating again, it makes sense to be cautious and go slowly.
—Drs. Linda J. Waite & Maggie Gallagher, noted marriage researchers205. Retrieved September 27, 2013: http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/Lesson6.pdf

Whatever hang-ups or issues you have about dating, know that your belief in a higher power, is in favor of more life, more joy and more peace. When you work toward resolution, you are moving in the right direction. As the law of attraction states, positive attracts positive. Therefore you will attract someone in your life who will bring about these same positive feelings when dating after divorce.

To Your Success and Abundance,

Emma S. Grant
Internet Marketer with Empower Network, Author, Health Coach, Nurse, Speaker and Entrepreneur

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When Is It Appropriate To Date After Divorce? (Part 2)

                                    Happy Children

                                                                                  

Dating after divorce is a question most divorcees ask and, the answer will vary based on who’s giving the answer. This is part 2, of this series. If you look around at  what is happening in the world today, divorce has become such a common event that the answer to this question is a must. I believe the answer to this question depends on many factors such as your emotional state, whether you have children, the age of the children, your religious beliefs, your socio-economic situation or timing. Many people struggle trying to figure this out. It is indeed an individual thing. I’m going to tell you what my thoughts are, and perhaps what others think as well.  This article will address dating when children are involved.

Let’s talk about this based on whether you have children and also in relations to the age of the children.  Additionally, the emotional state of the children must be taken into consideration. The impact of the divorce on your children can be more devastating for them, than it was for you.  Now multiply that times the number of children you have, to truly grasp the magnitude of what has to be considered before dating. Please know that the length of time will vary with each child. Again, working with your child through their feelings, is so important and has to be addressed. Their emotional stability depends on it!

Helping them to feel good about themselves and building their inner strengths will always be a step in the right direction.  Additionally, insuring your children that your date is not a replacement for their father or mother. Continuing to be engaged in their individual “activities of daily living” is imperative.  In other words, continue parenting and meeting their emotional, physical, spiritual needs.
When you meet someone, get to know this person before introducing them to your children. Let them get to know your friends and family first, I believe. Likewise, as time progress, get to know their friends and family. I say this because, often times we see people in one light and others see them totally different. They may see character traits that you may not see.

Dating after divorce may take some time for some people and for others, it may be more quickly. Know that there is no rush!  Keeping your eyes and ears open to things that may indicate this person is not willing to connect with you as a parent. That means having a care and nurturing attitude when it comes to your children. Additionally, there has to be a balance in the expression of this nurturing and caring. Again I say, keep your ears and eyes open. Not only do animal possess instinct, human do also.  Tune into them and use them! Another question would be, whether or not this person have children that lives with them? Finally, if this date show signs of not wanting to accept the whole package of you as mother or father, then you need to “immediately move on.” As they say, there are more fishes in the sea. This my not be the right time. Follow your heart.

As you can gather from the discussions above, there are many factors that should be taken into consideration before you begin dating when you have children.

Stay tuned for Part 3 to know when it is appropriate to date after divorce.

Emma S. Grant

I created this blog with a new company to keep you informed and to provide opportunity for financial growth. There is no secret to this because The Secret is Out  Check this out!!

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When Is It Appropriate To Date After Divorce? (Part 1)

                            Your Emotions 

                           



                                                                                                                                                

Dating after divorce is a question most divorcees ask and, the answer will vary based on who’s giving the answer. If you look around at what is happening in the world today, divorce has become such a common event that the answer to this question is a must. I believe the answer to this question depends on many factors such as your emotional state, whether you have children, the age of the children, your religious beliefs, your socio-economic situation or timing. Many people struggle trying to figure this out. It is indeed an individual thing. I’m going to tell you what my thoughts are, and perhaps what others think as well. This is part 1, of this series.

Let’s talk about the emotional state of the individual. I believe some questions has to be answered in terms of whether the person have worked through feelings of sadness, distraught, abandonment and sadness that may occur after divorce. Know that many divorcees have these feelings. Take steps to empower yourself and eliminate these mindsets.

First, acknowledging your feelings or bringing them to the surface is a step in the right direction. Remind yourself every day that you deserve happiness. Visualize yourself as a creative, smart and beautiful individual. Tell yourself you are capable of overcoming any physical or emotion obstacles that comes your way. Connect with your Higher Self. Connect with friends or family who will support and elevate you. As you work through these feelings, identifying and finding a more balanced sense of self, joy and peace will come to you.

 This process may take some time for some people and for others, it may be more brisk. There is no rush!  Know that if these are not resolved, you will find yourself attracting someone who will bring about these same feelings over and over again. Work at resolving these emotions and strengthening your inner self and achieving a balance in your emotions before dating. If you are emotionally stable, chances are you will attract someone who is stable as well. Stay tuned for Part 2 to know when it is appropriate to date after divorce.


                                          
Emma S. Grant
The Secret is Out  Check this out!!

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