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This the third in a series of posts on dating after divorce. This just one, among many questions divorcees ask. As I said in previous posts, the answer will vary based on who’s giving the advice. If you look around at what is happening in the world today, divorce has become such a common event that the answer to this question is a must. There are many factors that come into play when addressing this question. Myself and many others believe the answer to this question depends on, just to name a few, such factors as your emotional state, whether you have children, the age of the children, your religious beliefs, your socio-economic situation or timing. Many people struggle trying to figure this out. For the most part, this will be left up to that individual. I will share my thoughts and perhaps the thoughts of others as well.
Let’s talk about this based on the person’s religious belief. Because there is a wide range of religious beliefs when it comes to divorce, there’s likewise a wide range of beliefs about dating after divorce. I believe people’s religious beliefs about divorce will perhaps parallel their belief when it comes to dating again after that divorce. Many people who found it extremely difficult to grasp the truth or ideal that they are divorced, may require a longer lengths of time to emotionally detach themselves from that idea of not being married to that person. Therefore they may have a pseudo-sense that they are cheating on their ex-spouse if they are dating after divorce. Often times this comes from their strong religious beliefs that they are still married for their entire life to that person. I know that sounds kind of awkward but, people actually think like this. Often times as they felt trapped in that toxic marital relationship that lead to the divorce, they still are trapped because they are reluctant to put themselves out there again, in fear of being hurt, again. I say to those people, spend some more time identifying the factors that’s causing the internal struggles. Work through these issues on your own or with a professional before dating after divorce. As you work through these feelings, identifying and finding a more balanced sense of self, joy and peace will come to you. Dating after divorce can be rewarding and adventurous.
Here is an excerpt from an article that discusses dating after divorce:
What are the Possible Consequences of Divorce for Romantic Relationships?
Most who divorce hope to find a more satisfying relationship in the future. Exploring new romantic relationships after divorce can be both exciting and stressful. One important study that followed divorcing individuals for many years after their divorces found that a new romantic relationship after divorce often produced an increase in self-esteem, a decline in feelings of depression, and even decreased health complaints and visits to the doctor.265 These positive outcomes were found when the new relationships provided a sense of security and support and when there was real concern for each other. However, this study also found that some divorced women and men (especially) used casual sex to find the closeness and intimacy that they were missing. These psychological researchers observed that casual sex frequently ended up producing greater feelings of loneliness, unhappiness, and lower self-esteem. Moreover, these feelings sometimes led to substance abuse, which made problems worse. So new romantic relationships after divorce are a two-edged sword: healthy, caring relationships can be helpful but relationships based on casual sex can make things worse. When dating again, it makes sense to be cautious and go slowly.—Drs. Linda J. Waite & Maggie Gallagher, noted marriage researchers205. Retrieved September 27, 2013: http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/Lesson6.pdf
Whatever hang-ups or issues you have about dating, know that your belief in a higher power, is in favor of more life, more joy and more peace. When you work toward resolution, you are moving in the right direction. As the law of attraction states, positive attracts positive. Therefore you will attract someone in your life who will bring about these same positive feelings when dating after divorce.
To Your Success and Abundance,
Emma S. Grant
Internet Marketer with Empower Network, Author, Health Coach, Nurse, Speaker and Entrepreneur
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